Are some things better left forgotten?
Going deeper than counselling itself? What drastic action have you taken to bring out your true authenticity?
When the going gets tough
So I’ve started work on the next chapter which is provisionally called ‘A Tough Year’. It’s not all about training and international competition as it also goes into depth about my my marital problems.
Book of dreams
Going through the photo album for research (I didn’t keep a diary) I couldn’t find a single photo that reminded me of ‘bad times’. It was full of good times, holidays and smiles. I tried to remember what bad things happened and when it happened but all I got was locked doors, it was incredible. I knew that the more I thought about it then my brain would soon open up, connect and start releasing memories. This was almost a bit scary.
It’s like a scene from Indiana Jones, ‘Raiders of the Lost Arc’
Sallah: Indy, there is something that troubles me.
Indiana: What is it?
Sallah: This thing has been buried for many years. Maybe it is not meant to be discovered. Terrible things may follow and maybe it is meant to be left where it is?
The Bank Job
I continued my search and I even had to look into bank records from six years ago to help jog a few memories. In the loft I found some more poems on scraps of paper that stated how I had felt and how I was struggling. Once again I ask myself “Why did I keep these notes?”
It all comes flooding back to me.
Over the busy weekend I’ve allowed myself to think about 2012 more and it has worked with a few situations and stories that have drifted back. There is enough now for me to start typing up and I’m sure more will follow.
For the reader to understand what was going on in my mind during this period I will have to dig deeper. I need to ask myself ‘Why?’ This will be very thorough counselling for me and something that I’m willing to do because I want the book to be authentic.
What’s going on?
I need to be careful that I don’t just type a list of all the arguments and situations but enough to explain to the reader what was happening emotionally. We were having marriage counselling during this year but I feel that this chapter will help me discover more of what was happening in my mind.
This is a first
I have a deadline for this chapter to be completed but to be honest I don’t think I’m going to make it. This is a sensitive chapter and can’t be rushed. The rest of my journey I have constantly talked about in one way or another on the stage as a speaker. At no point in my motivational talks have I ever stood on the stage in front of a room of people and talked about the slow decline and breakdown of my marriage. The book will be the first.
It makes me wonder what action others have taken to bring out their own true authenticity in certain situations?
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